


Everything Has Changed

by Cinderella1181



Series: Faith [6]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 08:51:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5822260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinderella1181/pseuds/Cinderella1181
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything in Tom’s life has changed. He hopes that he can make everything right with Tobias before things are to late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Has Changed

Tom hated Ireland. 

Wait, that was wrong. Tom hated his life. He loved Ireland as a country. He just hated where his life was right now. He hated the colossal mess that he made of it. And now, he was alone in Ireland, without Tobias. 

He hated Toronto more. 

He sighed, taking a long drink out of the beer bottle. He looked out of the window of his trailer, into the dying light of the evening. He knew he had to go out and face the fans waiting for him. He knew he had to be 'on'. He didn’t want that at all. He just wanted to go back to the hotel room, and lay in bed. 

That is what he had been doing these last few weeks. Working, playing 'happy Tom' in public, and then going back to the hotel to just lay in bed. That had become his life, the life since the day he had received the text. 

Tom knew that it was all his fault. He had broken Tobias’ heart with his own stupidity. So now, Tom had to suffer because of it. 

He felt the vibration of his phone in his shirt pocket. He sighed, taking it from its hidden recess and looking at the call screen. The name and photo were that of Hadley. Something about that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Something wasn’t right. 

Tom swiped the phone on, putting it to his ear. “Had, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Tobias…he’s in hospital, they aren’t sure what’s going on. His fever is really high and it’s not responding to anything. Tom, you need to get home. Mark made me call you, so you know it’s serious.” Hadley replied. “Quickly. It doesn’t look good.”

Tom sat there in stone silence. His heart was torn from his chest. The air sucked from his lungs. He finally answered. “I’ll be home tonight.”

“Okay, fly in to Gatwick, Rosie and I will come and get you.” Hadley replied. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Tom hung up the phone and began to move in some sort of ghostly dance. He wasn’t sure how it happened, but he somehow managed to get himself to the director, the hotel, the airport and finally on to the plane. He texted Hadley just as he was getting ready to take off, and he finally sat back looking out the window on the small charter plane. He had a little more than an hour and twenty minutes to worry. 

Tom couldn’t help but think of all the things he was going to say. He prayed this wasn’t the last time that he would see him. He had to keep living. Tobias simply had to keep going. Even if they weren’t together, Tom couldn’t face a world where Tobias wasn’t a part of it. He lay his head back and closed his eyes. He had to try to not think about that, not now. 

Tom wasn’t sure how long he had actually been asleep, but the next thing he knew, the air hostess was coming around asking him if he had anything to throw away and to prepare for landing. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, making sure that the safety belt was across his hips. He knew he would be at the hospital soon, he knew he would see Tobias soon and that gave him a certain boost. 

The plane landed with little fanfare, and he was up and off as soon as he could be. He made his was as quickly as he could through the gate crush of people. He appeared on the other side of the security area, seeing Hadley and Rosalie huddled together. 

Hadley saw him first, leaving the comfort of his beloved and coming to gather Tom into a hug. Rosalie followed suit and they quickly walked through the airport in silence. Once they were in the relative security of Hadley’s Land Rover, Tom finally asked the question that had been searing in his brain since he had first received the call. “What happened exactly?”

“He was working at Ian and Mark’s, He had gone down to the laboratory to study, which he liked to do when things were slow.” Rosie said quietly. “Ian was going to go out on a run, and Bunsen was nowhere to be found. He called him several times and then finally he heard him whimpering down stairs. He went down and found Tobias passed out.”

Hadley took up the story at that point. “He had dropped down to nearly 115 pounds, but he had been hiding his weight loss with bulky sweaters. And he had stopped taking his medicine. It was like he was trying to kill himself. He’s been in hospital for nearly a week. But last night, I guess is when it got really bad and then worse this morning. Mark finally gave me the go ahead to call you.”

Tom felt the tears prick the back of his eyes. He wiped away the ones that slipped down his face. “Do they think he will make it?”

The two people in the front of the vehicle were silent as they pulled in to the hospitals car park. Hadley pulled in to a spot and stopped the car. He turned and looked at Tom. “They aren’t so sure. That is why I called.”

Tom nodded. “Okay.”

Rosalie reached back and grabbed his hand. “This may be goodbye.”

The sudden reality of everything sunk in. Everything suddenly crashed down on him, his whole world spun, he felt sick, and he felt like he was drowning. Tom felt the hot tears run down his face. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”

Rosalie pulled his hand forward and to her lips kissing the back of his knuckles. “You can’t think like this. You have to go in there and be positive, you have to be ready for this. You are strong.” She said. “For him, you have to tell him all the words that you have meant to say, all the words that you need to say.”

Tom looked at her and nodded. “I know. I just, I am not sure I can do this.” He said wiping the tears away from his face. “God, look at me crying.”

“Crying isn’t always bad.” Hadley said quietly.

Tom nodded, saying nothing and sat back. He took in a few deep breaths, steeling himself for the onslaught of emotion that he had to conceal in his heart. They were right, he had to be strong. He had to show Tobias that he was there but that he was strong and happy to see him. 

He had to show him that he wasn’t afraid of everything that was happening around him, when in truth he was. He was scared to death of what was going on. He wanted nothing more than all of this to not be going on, but everything in his world has changed and he realized that now. 

He opened the car door finally getting out and stretching his legs. He followed Rosalie and Hadley in to the sterile building, passing people, who gaped at him, but said nothing. He was sure it was the red of his eyes that kept them from asking him any questions. He went in the elevator, and finally was standing outside of the room that held the man that he knew he loved. 

Hadley walked in, returning with Mark and Ian. Tom could feel Mark’s eyes bore into him. Mark stepped over to him, putting his hand on his face, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Go in there and make him fight. You are the only person who can save him, and pull him back. He needs to hear your voice.” 

Tom nodded, knowing that if he said anything, he would just simply cry. He walked in to the room, and shut the door quietly behind him. He went around the curtain, and the tears began to flow down his face. Tobias lay in the hospital bed, so tiny and fragile, his color pale and almost grey under the harsh lights. He looked more skeletal then normal. 

He pulled the chair over to the side of the bed, and sat down in it. He looked up at Tobias, reaching out and tenderly taking his hand. Tom held it, and slowly manipulated the fingers. He kissed the palm, tracing lines before he slowly, quietly began to speak to him. “I don’t know if you can hear me, they seem to think that you can. So I am going to assume and hope so.” Tom looked up at him, still unmoving.

Tom rested his head on Tobias’ hand and sighed. “I know what I did was unforgivable, and honestly I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t deserve you. But I can’t lose you. I love you. I love you so much it makes me weep. I have had time since I left Toronto to think about what I did, and I have come to a few conclusions if you would like to hear them.” 

Tom looked up at Tobias’ face to see if there was any change. 

There wasn’t. 

Tom closed his eyes tight. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Tobias’ hand. He spoke quietly, “I know I can’t live without you in my life. I am sure of that. Even if it is never in a romantic capacity again. I need you near me. I need you like I need air. You are, in fact, the very air that I breathe. You are everything and I know now that everything has changed. I know that I have been fighting this, and I did what I did because I was embarrassed. Not by you, I could never be embarrassed by you. You are perfect. I was embarrassed by the fact that I can’t be who I truly am. A man who is in love with the greatest man I have ever met. The man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you Tobias. I love everything about you. From the way you hog the covers, to the shy way you let me pleasure you. I love the nights sitting on the edge of the tub rubbing your sore muscles, and the bottom of your back. I love the way you look when you first get up in the morning.”

Tom pulled in a choking sob. He couldn’t let himself go on, but he had to, he had to say it all, in case these were the last words he ever said to him. “I love every inch of you, every ounce of your soul. You are every bit of poetry that Shakespeare wrote that I never fully understood until you walked in to my life. You are my true love and I swear, if you come out of this, I will spend the rest of my life making up for this and proving to you just how much I love you. Because I do, I love you Tobias. More than I have loved anyone or anything in the past.”

Tom stilled, and simply let the tears run down his cheek. He rested his head on the bed next to Tobias and simply let the tears fall unhindered. 

~*~*~

Tom woke with a start, it was late in the night. How late however he was unsure. He sighed and sat up, his back protesting, as he did. He sat back in the chair and rubbed his eyes. There was an air of difference in the room, he looked over towards the bed and there, in the low light were beautiful eyes he never thought he would see again, staring at him. 

Tom didn’t move, he wanted to gather Tobias up in his arms, hold him tight and kiss him. He wanted to beg forgiveness. He wanted to promise that he would never stray again. He wanted to make all the declarations of love that would begin to put together this horrible nightmare. But, Tom remained unmoving in his chair, just looking at him quietly.

“You came,” Tobias said barely above a whisper.

“How could I not?” Tom asked. 

Tobias looked at him, tears filling his eyes. “You hate me don’t you?”

Tom moved at those words and sat on the edge of the bed. “No, god no, why would I hate you? I love you. You should be the one who hates me.” 

Tobias looked at Tom. “You would have never cheated…”

Tom reached out and touched his hair. “I was stressed, lonely. So lonely, and I did the one thing I swore I would never do, I lied about our relationship. Someone asked me if I was dating someone and I said no. I don’t know why I did it. I think I wanted to keep you to myself, and then things just, I don’t know spiraled out of control and the next thing I know I am out and that woman is sucking on my ear. Tobias, I swear, nothing happened. I never touched her other than to push her in to a cab that night.” He shook his head. “I don’t want anyone one but you, and then Luke called me and left a message, and I had just picked up the phone to listen to it when you called, and you sounded so hurt and I just, I know I was wrong. I don’t deserve you. I should have never lied about us, I should have been honest, from the very get go.”

Tobias looked at him, his eyes filled with tears, tears that Tom prayed he didn’t shed, because if he did, his heart would surely break. “Are you ashamed of me?”

Tom didn’t know how to answer that question. “I am ashamed of myself. I hate that I have to be something and someone that I am not. I hate that I have to be this…person. I want to be the person who can take the man he loves out with him, I don’t want to be afraid of showing you off. I want to take you to places, and hold your hand. I want to kiss you in public, I want you to share my life for the rest of my life and I feel like I can’t be that person.” 

Tom watched as Tobias struggled to sit up. Tobias got himself in to a more comfortable position, looking into Tom’s eyes, into his soul. “I thought it was easier if I just left, died, then you wouldn’t have to be worried. You could just move on. You could be free of me.”

“I don’t want to be free of you. I want to be the exact opposite of free of you. My god Tobias if anything I want to become more stuck with you,” He sobbed. “You are the only person I want. I don’t know how I can make you see that.” He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and wrapped his hand around the back of his neck and rested his forehead to Tobias’ forehead. “I love you more than I can get into words. I want you for the rest of our lives.”

“You’re just saying that,” Tobias said as a sob escaped his throat. 

“Baby, no, I swear. I want you forever, I want you, just you. I have the GQ Charity event in two weeks and I am taking you.” Tom said kissing his cheek. “I am taking the man I love, in his glasses.” He kissed each of his eyes then. “I am taking him with his braces that hold his steady, even though it is he who knocks me over.” He took his hand and kissed the calloused palm. “I am taking the man that I love, he is going to be on my arm, I am going to show you off to the world and I don’t care if I lose every single fan that I have. I have you. You are all I need, you are who I need to wake up to, you are who I want to make love to every night before I fall asleep holding you close. You are who I want to plan the rest of my life with. You are my everything Tobias. You. No one else.”

Tobias let out a shuddering sob. “God, you say all the right things.” 

“They are all the things in my heart,” Tom responded quietly. “You have to get better.”

Tobias nodded. “For you I will.”

“You know I don’t deserve you right?” Tom asked him. “You should tell me the fuck off.”

Tobias looked at him. “I can’t. All those things that you said to me, those are all things that I believe of you too.” Tobias reached up and touched his tear stained cheek. “I feel exactly the same things about you. I can’t live without you. I can’t wake up alone not knowing that I don’t have your love. I need you. I need your heart, your soul, I need all of you Tom. All of you.” He was quiet for a second. “But I can’t do something like this again. This is your one freebie.”

Tom nodded. “I understand.” 

“Good. Then come and hold me, I have missed you holding me, and I know I don’t have you for very long.” Tobias said. 

Tom smiled a little and shifted in next to him. He pulled Tobias’ frail frame into his arms, and held him close. He kissed him. “I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you.”

“You would have gone on and been a bright star, I’m not worth it,” Tobias said. 

“You’re worth everything to me,” Tom replied. “You’re worth more than a career.”

“You are such a romantic,” Tobias said, yawning. 

“And you are my heart,” Tom replied. 

Tobias didn’t respond to him. There was only the deep, peaceful breathing that came with sleep. Tom smiled and kissed his temple. Everything had changed in Tom’s life, but certainly for the better.


End file.
